Hardship is the raw material for learning how to navigate life after divorce. What I’ve learned from my pitfalls has allowed me to help others through volunteerism and writing about my experiences.

All that anguish wasn’t for naught.

I’d been a faithful wife, loving mother, and financially prudent partner. What lessons did I need to learn? And why the hard way? I’d cry out to God, the universe, or whoever might be out there listening. Life was hard and heavy, and early on I was too mired in suffering to see past it.

Hindsight eventually revealed some answers.

Hard experience transformed into wisdom, powerful, little showers of healing. These blessings became more than lessons. I call them “Blessons.”  

Blesson #1: Don’t forget the past

There was a time when all I wanted to do was forget. Sometimes I’d wake up, still groggy, and momentarily forget my husband had left. That second of amnesia was the best moment of my day.

But now that my pain is no longer raw, memories of how I got through so many difficulties remind me of my strength. I’m a proud survivor.

While my husband was having an affair, I was also too busy juggling a house, kids and recovering from knee surgery to notice the signs, or at least I didn’t want to. Looking back, I vividly recall his late nights at the office when I couldn’t reach him; the way he guarded his cell phone; his anger that seemed to come out of nowhere; the way he happily paid bills, possibly so I couldn’t see the statements.

Although I haven’t dated much since the divorce, I more easily notice lies, inconsistencies, and insincerity in the men who ask me out. Vigilance spares me heartache and pretense, and saves me precious time with relationships that are doomed to fail.

Blesson #2: Life after divorce is easier if you meditate

I started meditation classes before my husband left. Still, I wish I’d been further along in the beginning. Perhaps I wouldn’t have spent so long overwhelmed by despair.  

But thank God, even when things seemed hopeless, I kept attending my weekly classes. I learned how to stop and breathe. In moments of calm and clarity, I  . . . 

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